if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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