I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
