Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
