I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
