are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
