I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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