people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
