Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
