If i come over, it means nothing
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize