I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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