Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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