1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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