Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
