New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize