Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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