the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
