I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
