i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
