At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
