Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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