You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
