Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
