Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's the barista slut.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
