Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
