LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
