My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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