these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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