Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
