I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize