I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
