dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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