Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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