Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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