Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize