My liver just broke up with me...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
