if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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