Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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