I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
