Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
