Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are all done wearing pants today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
