"it" just moved
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
