I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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