there's paper in my vomit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize