swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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