My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
