still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
