nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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