I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
