i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
please don't ironically join a cult
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