you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
