umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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