i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
