my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You ruined the universe
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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