I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
