I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
