Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
