I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
