I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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