His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
