I'm gonna have a badass scar
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
