I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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