I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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